EvankhMorpork
by Tresspasserswillbeshot
Summary: Eva-01 crashes on discworld. Simple concept but it will be hard to execute. Mostly just a guilty pleasure. Hope I'm not the only one who'll enjoy it.
1. Chapter 1

EVANKH-MORPORK

Part one

This is an idea that appealed to me so immensly it had to be written down and I feel guilty because of it. Mostly because I'm such a huge fan of both EVA and Discworld.

Writing a crossover seems like heresy.

Also im not sure how much of the eva fanbase overlaps with the discworld fanbase...

Alas im am but a human. And I am also shamelessly ripping of franchises that i do not own.

* * *

The head is the first abnormal thing that comes into view.

Admittedly this is the universe, outer space to be more precise, which is arguably not much of a pointer when it comes to locations but it does contain quite a large number of items which, to the average human would qualify as bizarre, queer, wierd and/or abnormal.

The unfortunate young boy piloting a 50 meter tall robot currently floating through space ranks a massive turtle quite high on his list however.

The four elephants on it's massive shell doesn't exactly scream normal either(1) as they come into view. The disc shaped object on top of them seem quite mundane in comparison.

The boy is flabbergasted to say the least, but he is still observant enough to notice that it is getting closer.

Its not doing anything to calm his nerves though. His regular catchphrase not being any help with this one.

This is an unfair and one sided point of view however, certainly the turtle must have opinions on the purle, horned, killing machine that is headed straight towards it.

It knows.

It has been through these dramatic expositions enought times to know that something dreadfull is about to happen to it.

Sadly due to the size of said genre savvy turtle's brain, by the time the thought is completed, the scenario is already in motion.

* * *

(1): not that screaming: "normal!" on top of your lungs is going to earn you any points on the list of commonly ecountered behaviour, then again

considering the usual mental state of the boy...

* * *

"What do you mean we're going to have a guest?" the blind chief of the gods exclaims to the unfortunate divine messenger who had drawn the shortest straw, its wings trembling as the bosses many eyeballs floats around him.

"Well," the messenger replies; "It did look a fair bit like your average god as far as I could tell, pretty powerfull bugger as well." "bit of a wierdo in the dressings department I'll admit but i guess thats foreigners for you."

"And he's headed straight towards us is he?" A perplexed Fate asks, still seemingly at a loss for words, which always made the other gods worried. When fate didn't know, there was going to be trouble.

"I don't suppose he's going to land somwhere that is nice and remote is he?" Anoia asked nervously, "I mean somwhere he's not prone to bother anyone or challenge the the truth of the eternal potato peeler?"

Anoia, being somewhat of a new face, was still anxious of being pushed of her pedestal (the average god welcoming a new star with the same attitude that unhatched birdchicks welcome the common cuckoo.)

"We're not sure at the moment," the messenger chimes in again, "but the odds of it landing near a densely populated area are pretty small, roughly a million to one i'd say."

His assured expression fades when he see's the reaction from the dysfunctional deities, furtunatly their furious gazes are not locked on him but on someone that seems to be missing at the moment.

* * *

The great city of Ankh-Morpork has always valued entertainment, especially the younger kids, although the line between "amusing innocent game" and "savage torture" is often vague. It seemed to depend on who was on the recieving end of things.

Toys were also quite popular, with the toy hammer (an instrument with more in common with the average warmace than it's supposed bigger sibling) being a perennial favorite among the citys 3-14 year old demographic and considered quite educational in nature.

Not because it learned the youngsters the value of carpentry or whatever the "ol' tossers" used it for, but because it thaught them early on that in this city you needed something to defend yourselves with when William "Will'it'em" Rourke or one of his many equally minded bullies came running at you with a hammer of his own.

It is while pondering this, or rather the money of said kids parents, that CMOT dibbler, Ankh-Morporks most active unsuccessfull entrepeneur, sees the purple giant soar over the city.

Not overly perplexed (this sort of thing being quite par for the course for him) he notices that while some of the more overly excited adults are making a decent effort running around panicking, a few kids simply stare in awe at the giant whith the words: "cor'wicked" barely forming on their lips.

And the first sparks of an idea forms.

* * *

The Egregious Professor Of Cruel And Unusual Geography of UU looks out the window, not because the view is particularly nice(2), it is the sounds of panic and confusion that has caught the attention of the perpetually nervous wizard.

Although usually not the type to show curiosity to anything but the opposite direction of the object of terror, Ricewinds keen sense for this sort of thing is a bit rusty. There hasn't been anything particularly more frightening during the past few years than the occasional intelligent dire rat, who inhabited the cellars of the university so no alarms goes of immediatly.

However, the old instincts gets lubricated and polished in a milisecond as the thundering crash of Evangelion-01 booms through the city smashing every sheet of glass in the windowmakers guild which tragically enough is situated closest to the impact.

Familiar cogs grinds into action as the old mantra surfaces, and rincewind takes of towards the gate in the opposite direction.

If you could hear his thoughts, it would sound very similar to something like this:

IGOTTARUNAWAY!

IGOTTARUNAWAY!

IGOTTARUNAWAY!

IGOTTARUNAWAY!

IGOTTARUNAWAY!

* * *

(2): Rincewinds office did in fact have the worst view in all of ankh-morpork. It was the only room in the city situated directly towards the backyard of the citys new experimental butcherhouse, run by Igor and his son Igor. The backyard was the place were they put their breeding stock, and was also were the breeding stock, did the actual breeding. Rincewind had gotten used to the elongated spines and massive meatformations, however his mind still blanked out when he noticed that every

animal posessed multiple sets of all limbs and orifices((2)).

((2)): Which made the breeding more efficient.

* * *

Commander Samuel Vimes, stormed towards the crash site in a rage that could barely be contained.

Not that there was anything unusual about the commander running toward something that was deemed suspicious. He was still in exellent shape despite pushing fifty and this seemed like something that would fall under the definition of illegal.

And if it wasn't he would bloody well see to it that it would be.

"Wizards", he though amidst the malestroem of emotions. "Bloody wizards had to be behind this," anything else simply didn't make sense.

Big purple giants didn't simply appear from the sky and crash near the biggest city on the disc, which just happens to harbour the biggest and oldest arcane college of said disc.

Well it won't be there much longer if he found out that they were behind it. At least if he had anything to say about it.

And mercy be upon them if it had hit the city itself...

He tried not to picture that scene. He had only gotten the briefest glimpse of the... Thing before it slipped out of view but it was big and strangely enough purple.

His train of thought didn't get further because at that moment he saw a glimpse of faded red robes running in the opposite direction of the crash.

The commander didn't hesitate for a second before he turned and gave chase.

"You bastard," he thought, "One of your spells must have bonked and now you're trying to get the hell out of genua before the law gets to you." "Well, you've got

something far worse than that after you now!"

* * *

"I HAVE TO SAY, I AM NOT VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS AT ALL." A black hooded figure said as he studies the purple monstrosity currently lying on its back.

It was quite impossible for the voice in question to sound annoyed, yet the texture of it seemed to radiate somethin at least akin to it.

"SQUEAK." A smaller hooded figure noted.

Death sighed (3) He didn't like it when he was faced with things that wasn't in the job description. Not that it was unheard of, it was just that the

forms required to deal with this sort of thing needed to be filled out in triplicate in seven dimensions.

"SQUEAK?"

"NO I'VE NEVER HAD TO HIRE OUTSIDE HELP TO DO MY JOB FOR ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "IF YOU START HIRING IN SPECIALISTS THERE WILL BE NO ROOM

FOR ALL AROUND COMPETENT PERSONELL LIKE ME, BESIDES I'M PRETTY SURE THIS THING IS SITLL ALIVE."

as he says this one of the giant arms tries to lift itself up.

"SQUEAK?"

This piercing observation seemed to bother the large hooded figure and it seemed for an instant that it shifted nervously before replying.

"WELL... NO I CAN'T FIND A TIMER FOR IT, THERE DOES SEEM TO BE ONE FOR THE BOY INSIDE IT THOUGH."

"SQUEAK..."

"WELL TO BE FAIR, HE HAS MORE TIME THAN ANYONE ELSE HAS AT THE MOMENT."

* * *

(3): at least mentally, seeing as sighing usually requires the use of lungs, which he never had gotten around to aquire.

* * *

So now the eva has landed. and discworld will forever be the same. I mean a huge giant with magic powers isn't exactly new to the place is it?

I've got a ton of ideas from here on out! I know it seems like an ambitious project, but i don't have much more to do right now, being stuck on a norwegian military base which goes by the nickname of Mordor leaves you with a lot of free time.


	2. Chapter 2

Still here. Sorry if this seemed to take long. just had my first leave from this hellhole in a few months, followed by a two week exercise and at the same time i have to study. It left no time for writing. Also I had another disturbing idea for a crossover involving the plot of EVA inserted into the Scrooge McDuck universe (Don Rosa story that is, NOT Ducktales) with a 140 year old cybernetically enhanced Scrooge replacing Gendo. Its seems incredibly appropriate somehow. Any thoughts?

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The crowd gathered around the Eva crash site was typical of Ankh-Morpork. Loud, chatty and always prone to not doing anything at all really. They had developed keen senses regarding this sort of thing and knew that if they waited long enough someone was going to do or say something interesting, or at least shed some light on why there was a 600 feet wide crater 10 miles outside of the city border.

The impact from the crash had sent a shock wave through the Sto plains which fortunately had an unusually wet autumn this year for a plain that was usually unusually wet to begin with. The shock did not stand a chance. Its energy spent in deep soggy mud toughened by the Ankh(1) itself. It was barely a ripple before it touched the city limits and although a few cabbage farmers were quite unhappy no one seemed to have been killed or injured. It was quite disgraceful really, the crowd felt.

It is in this peculiar scene that the young unfortunate and by now quite possibly mentally unstable boy named Shinji Ikari finds himself in the middle of. The past few hours have not been good to him. Although the day itself had started out quite well. Asuka had refrained from yelling at him during the whole day, her rage instead directed at a particular annoying young lad who had tried to ask her out in biology class. She had even come over to him and made him listen to her endless tirade against the aforementioned boy and he had the courage to nod along to some of the less insulting nicknames, seemingly pleased by this, Asuka let him go without any lasting trauma, although one of the nicknames had been "The Shinji clone."

It was after school however that things started to go south. Dr. Akagi had scheduled for a new equipment test and it was Misato who had come to pick them up. The captain had decided to go even more heavyweight than usual that morning and had opened up a bottle of tequila and proceeded to take a shot between every syrup covered pancake. This affected her already sub-par driving skills about the way you could expect, when they arrived at the NERV car elevator he could swear that even Rei looked a little flustered.

The real trouble begun (although he didn't know it at the time) when Dr Akagi briefed them on the new EVA DiLel-type armor, he didn't quite catch the details of how it worked, (aesthetically it was identical to the standard configuration) but it supposedly had the ability to create a inverted AT field, whatever that meant, he didn't even know how a regular AT-field worked. Had he had a closer look at the full instruction book he might have started to worry though.

Its front simply read: EXPERIMENTAL PROJECT EVA SUPPLEMENT PACK. DIRAC-LELIEL DERIVED PHASE SPACE CONVERTER.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

(1): The river Ankh is the only known piece of geography on the disc know to be harder than granite _yet still a liquid, _The reason for this is a source of heated debate within the city. Some claim that it is a reflection of the city's noble spirit in being hard as a rock while still being soft and kind, others, who knows their city better than that, suspect that troll and dwarf urine might be the cause, arguing that; they must have a fair bit more minerals in them than us regular folks, them bein' so close to the earth an' all, it ain't right I tell you_**. **_

The main reason is one of the more unknown and obscure devices of the famed architect and inventor Bergholt Stuttely "Bloody Stupid" Johnson, namely a water purification device. Today no one dares go near the structure in, as it is rumored to have taken on a mind of its own when it first sampled the "water" from the river. The city's water supply nowadays comes from deep wells, that go well underneath the collection of ruins that make up the old city.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"You know Nobby, someone really ought to do something about this." The old, fat sergeant pondered as he watched the scene from afar.

"Yes Fred." the short man (he had a license signed by the patrician that he was in fact a man) standing next to the sergeant said with a sigh. "It really is a shame."

"I mean, there should be some sort of people hired to prevent this sort of thing, you know." The man now known as Fred continued. "Doesn't the patrician have some sort of a gency for this?"

"A what?" the now puzzled man (which incidentally is also a corporal for some mysterious reason) asks with what could best be described as a frown.

"A gency," answers the sergeant. "It's this sort of collection of people who keeps our secrets in order, making sure everything is nice and tidy you know."

"You sure you're not thinking about a filing cabinet Fred?" "Cos I have an aunt who keeps her cake recipes in one of them things,"

Fred suddenly looked unsure but was determined to drive his point through.

"That's daft, even for you Nobby." He answered in an irritable tone of voice. "Can't have all those important doc'ments with a big red SECRET stamp on them lyin' around in a piece of furniture where anyone might have a look." "You need people to look after them, they carry em around all the time, so that they're safe see?" Having seemingly worked around the problems of his friends cunning argument, he confidently added: "You can tell cos' of their black suits"

"That makes sense Fred." Nobby added wearily. He was quite sure what he would do if he had big important secrets like that and it involved not having stuff with SECRET stamped on them.

"And they has to be real posh you know," Fred continued enthusiastically. "Real swanky like, so as to woo all the ladyfolk that will try to nab all the doc'ments." "Probably know a lot of fancy drinks as well." (2)

"What? You mean like winkles extra malt?" the corporal added a bit confused

"Nah you know like with umbrellas in them and stuff. " Fred answered "Like girly drinks, only its okay because they're so swanky."

"They sound like complete ponc... do you hear that Fred?"

They both turned towards the city center where the sound was coming from, growing noticeably in intensity. The corporals face paled, as sudden recognition dawned upon him.

"Ye gods! he's found out! He's gone spare!"

The two were not very religious men but hoped that whoever the commander was chasing, would be met with mercy by the gods in the afterlife. They knew the commander would show none.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

(2): He was not completely wrong here. The guild of Assassins used to house an old section known as the double-whom building, where the finer gentlemen who thought themselves above simple assassination but to wealthy for the guild to turn down were generally placed. Here they were taught many things like saying uncharacteristically cold things right after beating their arch nemesis in fisticuffs and why insisting hard enough _might_ get a peck on the cheek from something vaguely woman-like once in a while. They never lasted long after graduation and the building was bought and then thoroughly demolished by the patrician 5 minutes after he came to power.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Describing the commanders thought-process is something that nearly every member of the psychologist guild (motto: redigo per ink) have been hired to do at some point by a wealthy noble.

Some have suggested that he is restrained rage incarnate, others have hinted at schizophrenia, considering the mans ability to go from cunning investigator to seemingly unstoppable maniac in the blink of an eye. Most just complain that they can't get the bastard to lie down on their divans to look at the funny looking inkblots so that they can declare him a loony, call it a day, get paid and buy that new divan with all the levers and a cup holder that they've been drooling after.

Right now, it would seem like the first are closest to getting their paychecks cashed in. That is, if there is indeed a bank to cash it in at, or a city to spend said cash in for that matter when this chase is over. For this is something that Ankh-Morpork, a city with more capable crime chasers and escapees than every city on the disc put together, has never seen the likes of.

This was pure chase.

The world seemed to bend around it somehow. At every street corner two men carrying a large sheet of glass (3) would emerge from nowhere, always between them. The commander would simply respond to this by jumping through it while clenching two pistol crossbows that seemed to materialize as he leaped just to vanish the instant he landed, often accompanied by a annoyed flock of white doves that would fly into the air while he was doing this.

Every time that a cart or a horse appeared in front of them, Rincewind would uncharacteristically pull the rider off and set off at maximum speed, fortunately for Vimes a similar method of transportation would always arrive a few feet behind the former. This was usually followed by several dramatic attempts by vimes to drag rincewind of his horse, failing and falling off. Rincewind would then either also fall as a result from the struggle that led to vimes dismounting, or hitting a vendor street sign he hadn't been paying attention to in a suitable comic fashion, punishing his frankly non-existing hubris. After the first half dozen such occurrences he simply jumped of after vimes fell thus continuing the chase.

Hundreds of vendor stalls were knocked over. Thousands of watermelons and and cardboard boxes were trampled. Dozens of towers (even the ones that simply were not physically possible to get into) were climbed and subsequently jumped from. More slippery objects or substances were dropped by Rincewind than should be humanly possible to carry. Every time he thought he had him in a dead end Vimes would find it empty, and Rincewind would always be right behind him running in the opposite direction.

Mine carts were ridden, ropes hanging over streets were balanced, innocent pedestrians were pushed aside. There seemed like there would be no end to it. None of Vimes fellow officers could keep up for more than a few minutes, nothing seemed like it could stop the two most powerful narrative forces of the chase on the disc.

The end began however, when they reached what seemed to be a twist on their previous chase by means of transportation other than their feet. It was surprising really, that they hadn't run into it before now. The river did divide the city in two, and by now they must have been through it back and forth a dozen times at least. So the instant Rincewind saw the boat out in the middle of the river he ran for it, right across what was for a lack of a better word, water.

To their credit, they both paused in their chase for a second out of sheer puzzlement when they realized that they were standing on water, it wasn't long enough for reality and logic to collect their thoughts and catch up to them however as they set of upriver towards the great plains.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

3)Made all the more confusing by the fact that every sheet of glass in the window makers guild had been smashed earlier that day.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

It is while this amusing, exciting and highly lethal scene unfolds that three wizards complete their tour around the crater, wherein the purple behemoth is still groggily trying to raise itself up without much success.

The shortest of the three is the professor of abnormally enormous objects, a heavyset man even for a wizard, it has been highly suspected that something big once stepped on him. The second is the lecturer in neon colored clothing, a rather thin and flimsy man, and also the most recent graduate of UU. Both of them have been recently dug out from one of the many nooks and crannies of the unseen university. The third wizard , who is currently holding both of them by the collar, is the arch chancellor Mustrum Ridcully, the man who did the aforementioned digging. He is also seriously considering smashing their heads together.

"So you're saying this wasn't you then, was it?" the arch chancellor bellows at them. "We've had this sort of thing before you know," "young, bright wizard finally graduates and starts talking to the older fellows and then he inspires them." "makes them consider all sorts of stuff you know." "I remember when old Rinwald "Cooner" Weathersby, the music professor when I first graduated got together with that young boy from Genua," "a shabby looking fellow called Lagaffe or some such." "Lad was a bit all over the place really as I understand it and they made this terrible giant contraption," "a cross between a wooden pipe and a harp." "Made three floors collapse with the tuck of one string." "Let me tell you never has a note been more aptly named than E-flat. E for everything that is."

The unfortunate duo listen and nods eagerly, hoping that the senior wizard will forget what the original purpose of the story was and eventually wander away.

"...And he had that bloody malevolent cat and the lethal seagull as well, messed up university contracts in more ways than I can remember," "drove poor arch chancellor Fantasio and later old Prunelle quite mad as I recall..."

At this he seems to snap back to it.

"Speaking of which." You two aren't off the hook yet, I want to know exactly what this thing is and what it does or I'll..."

It is at this very moment the EVA manages to get back on its feet.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Rincewind is not having a good day, at least he's pretty sure that its not a good day, everything about the last 3 hours seems a bit blurry. All he knows is that something is behind him and that something wishes unplesantries upon him. Worst thing is he can't seem to shake it. He's outrun things that feast upon reality itself, on one occasion even the devil himself, through time and space.

Out here on the open plain that something seems somewhat uncertain somehow though. Like it's out of its element or something, he sees a glimmer of hope only to watch it die away when he sees the giant rise.

Completely bamboozled, he thinks over his alternatives and finds to his great surprise that he cannot decide what frightens him more. The thing or... the other thing. Panicked with indecision he stumbles and the triumphant roar of the commander is the last thing he hears before he faints.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.

While the commotion seems to be reaching its climax down on the disc, The Great Turtle scans the cosmos, as if in anticipation, it's patience is infinite although that is hardly called for in this case as what it's looking for is soon coming into view. If it listens very closely (4) it can hear angry shouts. Its not sure why it sounds so angry, technically it can barely register the suggestion of words but something about this thing seems to radiate anger somehow.

It doesn't know what a Baka-Shinji is, but the turtle feels supremely sorry for it somehow.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

(4) Something that is EXTREMELY difficult in a vacuum.

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Ok, whew finally got started on this again. I think I must be the first person ever to write a philosophy assignment during a three day long live fire field exercise. So yeah hectic schedule. Going back to the university soon though CAN'T WAIT! Also I have a great outline of the story now, not just a general idea of what I want to write. So far I've been trying to keep it in style with Pratchett but I have a few novel ideas on how I can make it more EVAish as well.

Opinions are appreciated


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Rincewind is not unfamiliar to unconsciousness, he has been knocked out on more occasions than most people would consider healthy(1) and he knows from experience that he's not supposed to be aware of things.

At least he's pretty sure of it, maybe you're not supposed to remember what happens when you're unconscious. Not that there is much to be aware of in any case, darkness has that quality to it.

"Am I having one of those inner dream visions again?" He asks uncertainly.

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"Who? Me?"

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"Well I'm Rincewind, Rincewind the Wizard to be precise, err, do you mind telling me who I'm talking to"

"RINCEWIND THE WIZARD"

"…"

"See, now that's not right, I'm pretty sure that I'm me."

"I'M YOU, EVERYONE HAS ANOTHER SELF WITHIN THEM."

"What?"

"TWO FIGURES MAKE UP ONE INDIVIDUAL."

"..."

"THERE ARE MANY RINCEWIND THE WIZARDS. THE ONE IN YOUR MIND, THE ONE IN TWOFLOWERS MIND, THE ONE IN... WHERE DID HE GO?"

"YOU MEAN WHERE DID I GO." Said a voice completely indiscernible from the other.

"I THINK I RAN AWAY."

"WHAT? I DID? HOW?"

"I GOT SCARED I SUPPOSE."

"I DON'T THINK I BOUGHT IT. DRAT, LET'S GIVE THE PICTURE ASSOCIATION THING A SHOT THEN."

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(1) Not a very helpful description really, considering most people find doing so even once to be one time to many.

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"All right, lets see." Shinji ponders as he tries to steady the EVA In the treacherous mud. His head still feels like an odd mix of broken glass and cotton, and his vision is rather cloudy but at least he's fairly unharmed, save for a bruise in the back of the head. He is rather puzzled to learn of this. Surely a fall from outer space would call for a bit more than that. Then it hits him that he shouldn't be moving at all. He strikes a glance at the power timer which is rooted firmly on 00:00:00 just like it was when he barely missed the curiously small sun. Yet the giant still moves.

He wisely decides not to question this stroke of good luck. There haven't been too many of them in his career as a pilot that hasn't also had some sort of catch to it. Besides there seem to be something going on down on the ground at the edge of the crater that is now becoming more of a lake. If what is filling it can be called water that is.

To his great surprise he sees a rather large group of people in front of him, most of them panicking and running away. He wonders for a moment if he should do so as well before giving himself a mental slap. There is curiously enough a small group that isn't retreating from him hastily and they're dressed rather more colorfully than the rest, with pointy hats.

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Ridcully sighs as he surveys the fleeing crowd, before turning his attention to the two junior members of the faculty.

"See? Now you've summoned a great demon or daemon or whatever you young people call them these days and it's probably going to eat our souls or something." "Its the sort of thing that they tend to do you know. So I guess its up to me to talk it out of it."

This statement seems to puzzle the two others

"Excuse me," says the professor of abnormally enormous objects in a mildly offended tone of voice. "But I'm pretty well versed in the subject which this thing clearly falls under and in my general experience with them, they are not very keen on talking with people." "They're more in the business of getting you, ah ha..." "Underfoot, as far as I've understood it."

"Yes, well." answers Ridcully, while a smile begins to form on his lips, "But I'm guessing that you've never stumbled upon this variety of your chosen subject before," "have you now?"

"Well no," he replies "not this specimen per se as it happens, but I consider myself more than capable of making an educated guess."

"Why, then this is a splendid opportunity to advance your field then." Ridcully exclaims in a thrilled voice. "Explore unknown territory," "further the knowledge of our noble college in the spirit of all learned men and all that good stuff."

The lecturer in neon clothing, observes the exchange with a confused look. Having been recently introduced to the rest of the brotherhood in full, he's not yet used to the childlike bickering that is the trademark of any truly educated group of people.

The professor on the other hand looks nervous for a moment but then his pride pulls him back together (1) as he snarks at Ridcully. "Very well then," he states "We'll show this so called arch chancellor, how real professionals do field work."

The lecturer in neon clothing barely have time to wrap his head around this statement before he's violently tugged and dragged in the direction of the still steadying purple menace.

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(1) The pride of the average wizard has been measured to be able to restrain up to seventeen raging rhinoceroses on steroids and klatchian coffee at once. Not 18 but 17. Being precise is important in these matters.

The professor was in any case a fair bit more prideful than average, and was generally considered to be able to hold under the tear of the kinetic equivalents of the Niagara Falls pulling in opposite directions. Ridcully was an unknown measure but continental drift was often mentioned.

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As Rincewind flees through the unknown deep of his own subconscious he suddenly finds that his vision is no longer filled by the rather monotone blackness but instead by a vision of a cloudy mountain.

He's not sure if it is much of a improvement.

Although he feels strangely compelled to voice his thoughts on the image.

"Mountain." "TALL mountain." "Long way down." "High velocities"

*vision changes to a blue sky dotted with clouds*

"Sky." "Blue sky." "Empty space." "Treacherous clouds." "Falling." "Ground." "Hard impact."

*New image with a sun*

"Sun." "It's REALLY hot." "Nearly landed on it once." "Falling." "No ground to hit." "Relief."

*lake.*

"Water." "Sharks." "Teeth" "The Luggage." "Annoyance."

*Field filled with sunflowers*

"Flowers." "Hiding place." "Safety." "Comfort." "Office."

*Red sky.*

"Sky." "Repetition." "Red, Red, Sky..."

*Bottle of water.*

"Red." "Water." "Blood." "Smell of blood" "Glad it's not my own." "Other peoples blood." "Other people" "People" "What are people?" "Usually a bloody menac..."

As Rincewind is shaken awake you can hear a voice saying: "SO CLOSE!"

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As Sam Vimes drags the unconscious Rincewind towards the crater he spots the trio of wizards and feels the rage now dormant, threatening to rise up again.

He is at this point quite muddy. Having lost the ability to run on water (for lack of a better term) the moment he caught the paralyzed wizard. Fortunately they had reached the plain by the time he caught up, or perhaps it was a less solid part of the river. He can't really be 100% sure.

The mud isn't able to hamper him much however, as we carries his prey towards the one that is standing a little bit in the background. He doesn't know why but he gets the feeling that the wizard is feeling incredibly smug at the moment.

"Ah, Your Grace" Ridcully says in a pleased tone. "I was wondering what it was that kept you." Usually you or one of your fellow officers would be the first to a scene like this."

Vimes is mildly puzzled as he recognizes the arch chancellor, he is one of the few wizards that he knows about and he has always considered him a reasonable man, if a bit too fond of great dinners.

"Do you mind telling me what the hell is going on here Ridcully? Vimes snarls at the Arch Chancellor. "First this thing nearly crashes on top of the city, then I catch one of you devils trying to sneak out the back, hoping that the rest of us aren't looking, leading me on one hell of a chase. And then I come here, finding you fine gentlemen standing neatly in front of the scene." It doesn't add up." "None of it does." "And unless it against all reason starts to do so I'm going to have my men asking some nasty _questions_. Starting with your staff. "

"Well, your grace." I believe that two of my colleagues are trying to find an answer to this mystery as we speak."

"The lunatics are going to try and talk to it?" Vimes asks quizzically.

"Try is the keyword yes, but I'm quite certain that..." The Arch chancellor stops as Vimes starts to march towards Eva 01.

"Bugger that!" Vimes shouts. "That thing is a _witness!_ and I have a few questions I believe it might be able to answer for me."

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Shinji surveys the scene with a rather worried expression. Two of the pointy hatted people are moving towards him. The largest one seems to be walking with a rather nonchalant pace while at the same time dragging the thin one behind him. It looks rather impressive really.

The man stops, coughs to clear his throat and starts to speak.

He gets maybe two words into the first sentence, before he is trampled over by another man that looks rather plain in comparison to the lavishly dressed wizards. After a brief scuffle the man turns towards him. He looks puzzled for a moment, as if he is unsure of what to say to a 50 meter tall horned purple armored giant. He then seems to make up his mind and shouts towards the Eva. His hands forming a makeshift megaphone.

"YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!" "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!" "ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL(2) BE USED AGAINST YOU!" "COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD!"

"Ah, Well, that is, I... Um. Shinji voice booms out from the loudspeakers in a panicked voice. He's suddenly afraid and the old reflexes kick in, the words forming on his mouth without him really thinking about it:

"S-s-sorry."

He groans inwardly.

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(2) Ankh-morpork has a rather twisted but honest approach to these things.

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And as the first meeting between EVA-01s pilot and the population of Discworld is underway. CMOT Dibbler wonders where he can get his hands on some cheap purple paint.

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Ok, got this one finished a few hours before our FINAL field exercise before I leave this goddamn army. Will be freezing my ass of in -30 degrees Celsius for the next few weeks. In the meantime post reviews. My ego, like any fanfic writer leeching of the ideas of others, need fuel. Or a good dose of humbleness. Don't really care which one it is. Need sleep now.


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